"I haven’t seen my abs since 1998, but now they’re back — printed in glorious HD right on my chest. My wife says it’s the most exercise I’ve done in years… just putting it on."

"Finally, a tank top that makes me look like I lift… without actually lifting anything heavier than a remote control. My kids are embarrassed, which means it’s working."

"I hit the beach in this tank and a lifeguard asked if I was on duty. I said, ‘Only if the snack bar is in danger.’"